MNF 23rd

Morning 

I’ll level with you. It’s 10.30am on Monday morning and pretty shortly my music counterparts will be crowded around a table heaving with greasy, chocolatey and boozy treats. And to top it all off, three of my favourite models turned up at the club sat night clutching bottles of champagne and wearing outfts that appear to have been stolen from elves. So as we’re sure you’ll understand, I'm going to keep things brief and let you decide if you wanna game tonight?  Which if not just leaves me to wish you all a very merry Christmas. I'm off to see if anyone hurls plastic mistletoe at the fit girl at Soho House reception.

Soccerette Anyone?

MNF 2nd

Another MNF box office hit this week but still not available on Blu-ray or  DVD just yet, but you can have all the action in your living room soon with old YouTube footage from back in the day here... https://www.youtube.com/MNFmassive

From an all-star cast including Damon Letzer, Shimon Defraud and Paul Gotts, Damon is slick, hard, and loud and some of the action will have you holding your breath while your brain scrabbles for a few extra percent to keep up...

Soccerette Anyone?

MNF 17th

Greetings. The month is all but over, meaning you're probably in the latter stages of planning a boozy episode of Gascoigne proportions. But for as long as everyone keeps twatting on about economic strife, a night playing football isn't to be sniffed at. So listen good. First up, courtesy of our chums at Borehamwood, the first eighteen people to send their details here will bag themselves a place in Mondays game. There probably wont be any girls there. But I took this last night..

Soccerette anyone??

MNF 11th

Evening 

Oh. Right. Yeah. Cheers, MNF. You just come into our lives and take over for years, why don’t you? With your Astroturf and your Nike Balls and your Damon bloody Letzer, your delicious Locozade, your posh people and your Simon flamin’ Defriend. We’ll get used to 8pm being a time when we think “ooh, who's on what team?” rather than “ooh, what’s the missus banging on about today?” We’ll get used to this. We’ll become all dependant on you. We’ll let you be a part of us.

And then what happens? You just up and leave, without any warning. Leaving me DJing at White City tonight, sad and alone, with only last night’s Soccerette’s Pic???

Who’s In?

MNF 4th

How do you know if you've gone too far with your haunted house get-together? Just ask Richard Ashley….

The weekend has officially begun, meaning we've finally got some sporting goodness to fill the weekday void...With a few new faces landing this week and women everywhere gasping all over their Halloween makeup, MNF penetrates deep inside the disco-mouthed dancing phenomenon that's warped your girlfriend's sex drive...

Whether you've got a long train journey ahead of you or you're sitting at home with your feet up, this Monday’s game will have some brilliant players… 

Here’s last night’s Soccerette’s to stimulate your brainbox…

Who’s in????

MNF 30th

If you're reading this, chances are you sat out last week coz of your morosely drone-like existence of your tedious ‘other commitments’. Meanwhile there are MNFers out there who are receiving a good-luck peck from Angelina Jolie (Lookalike), skidding a Ferrari round a Ibiza mountain and heading home to pluck a fat cheque from the doormat. So, to celebrate the closing parties and of course Rosh Hashana, we've got a full game lined up giving you the chance to tell the lucky few who get a place how your weekend was?. And you can watch me top n tail for Pete Tong @ The Vault.

Soccerette Anyone?

MNF 9th

Marc Ratzger may have eaten 164 sweetcorn with a cocktail stick in Nandos last week - but there's far more enjoyable ways to break a world record. Your favourite guide in the ways of MNF living is staging the NW London’s best 8-aside slam, and I need your help. You don't need any of the dedication that Castle was always harping on about - just the ability to reply to this email, pay your subs from last week and the basic motor skills to arrive at a Borehamwood. Want to go down in the annals of human achievement? 

Soccerette?

MNF 12th

The spleen-bursting exhilaration of MNF is probably enough to push any NW London hipster into trouser-moistening rapture at Borehamwood FC. Add to that the ear-pounding and booty-shaking courtesy of The Maxter After the game and you've got quite a brouhaha on your hands. And praise the gods of internal combustion for that. One fortuitous MNFer and "wingman" (or wingwoman for that matter) will spend the night as a VIP guest at White City House. Then you can  trot along to the huge Pool party featuring a couple more turntablists - plus many cold brews and svelte dancing ladies like last nights…

Who’s in?? 

MNF 22nd

As any pie-eyed reveller on the plane back from Ibiza will try and tell you, there's only one certainty about that chaotic rocky island - you can never guess what will happen next. But that is exactly what you'll have to do in Monday's game, happening entirely on location and featuring no tops of players and other sundry fun in the sun. The winners will claim the finest prize ever given away… raise a lazy glass to Deniz H or Shimon not walking off before the end of the match…and GL for the Pool Party at the Ned…

Socccerette Anyone???

MNF 16th

Afternoon! 

The scenes with Damon are way too demure a description of this email. Why? Because it’s the fourth time we’ve coaxed the dinky Media Exec out of retirement, and we’re very good at asking for more. Remember the hotter-than-the-sun game a few weeks ago? Hotter. The marathon Singer chasing Deniz exhibition? Naughtier. Want a better reason to play on Monday? Try the world’s most desirable MNF back on: “Let’s do something that suits my personality. Something uncivilised. Oh alright then lets just do a pool party at The NED…

Who's In??

MNF 17th

Once upon a time crater-faced young teens huddled by their PC's, eagerly awaiting the brand new email about MNF, complemented as ever by the shouting and moaning about balls being flat and team selection being poor. These days, however, that antiquated weekly joy has been leathered into touch by the carnal frenzy that greets the weekly bliss of Soccerettes . And MNF now features last nights successful entrant in their individual glory….

Look below - and prepare to be mesmerised for quite some time: 

Who’s In?

MNF 10th

Afternoon, Keeping a keen eye on our MNF Challenge? You’ll have noted that last weeks non paying player of the Month award goes to a few of you!. Stepsky topped the table with 269 points, by virtue of cheating and picking GDPR as his excuse. D wins himself a place in tomorrows game so we can settle up. Fancy getting involved? Head here…

Last nights Soccerette???

MNF 20th

Hello 

At MNF next week, the pits of anarchy, destruction and professional dossing have been a hive of activity. The gaffer is gonna be in Ibiza, recovering from a “pre season break” and playing lots and lots of bad boy house and disco. So, as is the rule when someone won’t be here to defend themselves, there will be links which will be sent out to pay your subs. Ha. I’ve also been chancing my arm at appearing ‘on the telly’. Each week, the Spurs TV cameras pitch up at the office, shine a camera in our faces and ask for our opinions on getting tickets for the Champions League final. Until recently, this was terrifying. But then they started bringing along a glamorous assistant, at which point it just became a free for all to see who could get the best look down her top...

Soccerette Anyone???

MNF 13th

Evening! 

Theres no doubt about it, North London streets are swarming with talent. Curvy, sexy, trouser-burning talent. Which is why every year, MNF holds a search for the county’s coolest players, as voted for by you. Take last year’s winner Damon Letzer, for example. Or any of these international starlets like Silver, Freed or Chilli . And then there’s the bumper slightly uncut players Riddy, Mitch and myself  - have a rummage over the weekend. 

We’re going to shake things up a bit. Because of Spurs reaching the Champions League Final In addition to the much coveted game Monday’s winners will be getting VIP access to White City tonight  Which means you’ll be seeing lots more of me. And here’s the best bit: if you reply quickly, we’ll chuck you a pass to the Ned too, Interested Of course you are……….

MNF 29th

Dear MNFer’s 

Well, it’s been a week of importance. And while across the road Wolves done the world a favour (more of which later), back in the Norff London my server have been groaning under the weight of traffic for Monday’s game. The sheer scope and quality of this week's candidates should revive even the most frazzled Bank Holiday crusaders, so head this way for the sexy side of Djing. I’ve been taking pictures of groupies far and wide, making lists of the things that women hate most about us and laughing at footage of our resident funnyman James Miller sliding down the pitch on his stomach. Like a penguin.

Soccerette Anyone??

MNF 16th

Not that I'm suggesting you go out and try it, but have sex with a footballer and people will pay attention to you. Just ask ex Pussycat Doll the the whole of Mill Hill want to speak to after she spent last week boffing one of our very own MNFers. But the former model remained loyal to her friends, spilling the saucy beans at the launch of the revamped club last night, and it just so happens I got a photo with Zoe of course…

Soccerette Anyone??

MNF 8th

Dear MNFer, Well, it’s been a week of important moves my servers have been groaning under the weight of traffic for Monday’s game. The sheer scope and quality of this week’s candidates should revive even the most frazzled MNF crusaders, so head this way for the sexy side of Borehamwood. Keeping a keen eye on our MNF? You’ll have noted that March’s player of the Month award goes to Achilles. Kill topped the monthly table with 269 points, by virtue of cheating and switching sides during a game a few weeks ago.

Fancy getting involved?

Who’s in….

MNF 25th

The choice of who will be dictating our every waking move on a Monday Night, from the cost of the pitch (Cash or Contacless) all the way to deciding whether to wear a white or dark top, would be a diverting experience. However, as we have all discovered from soporific experience, the 'hands in pocket' 'down tools’ type player that has rendered the choice utterly devoid of interest, issue or entertainment shows where MNF comes in switch off this weekend with the next instalment and last nights hottie..

Soccerette Anyone?

MNF 18th

All hail the arrival of Brace MNF king Maxter, after the dance fraternity frothed (in a good way) all over last night's 12” cosmic funk collection It was Feedelity Affair. Only to be rained upon by those in the White Team, In or outside the area debate will go on for sometime, but there’s no time to dwell on that, with enough swishing spaceship moments to make even shopping with your missus seem fun. Which is a big achievement - especially if you've never considered swaying to glockenspiels to be your 'thing'. Want convincing? Check out these hottie's for Thursdays gig…

Soccerette Anyone?? 

MNF 11th

It’s been a 6-and-a-half weeks since the Damon came back into our lives. And it’s true what they say: Hadley Wood's loudest really is MNF's best friend. And now the best is about to get better, thanks to a little session on Monday night, You can hear him in full flow, run downing the wings like a mad man, and log into his Apple watch so you can see his stats. Best of all, if you’re in his team you can gaurentee he’ll only do 2 minutes in goal. 

 In short, you need to play…

Soccerette?

MNF 4th

It’s nearly – nearly – Monday, the end of a somewhat unconventional penalty miss weekend. Yep, I laughed, cheered and then played some disco at The Ned which was stuffed full of the usual tat and titillation. The first 15 to correctly reply wins a place in tomorrows game. You’ll also get a bundle of Damon-themed shouting and bad language  for your troubles.  Also worth investigating this week – and much funnier than what your shares are currently worth - is this  1 minute video of people of the arsenal fans reaction. Better than that? There’s always Keeley and friends…

Whos In?

MNF 18th

It’s 2019 and the all-new MNF is up and running, boasting the best in North London talent. It’s called MNF, and is put together by our award-winning team of players from around NW8, HA8 and Totteridge. If something worth knowing about happens on Monday nights, I’ll wrap it ‘nicely’ and get it up lightning quick. A bit like the BBC, except with particular emphasis on women, talented animals and really cool new trends from the yoof. 

Soccerette Anyone???

MNF 4th

Girls are wearing scarves. Bangers, mash and beans is a viable dinner option. You might have played MNF the other day. It's definitely winter, which means it's time to buy some new balls. So next week we will have a nice pink one all pumped up, just remember to bring your £6 (Defraud & Ratz), MNF wants to know where your money's at. The best opinion articulated  will win a space in Monday Nights game…..

Soccerette Anyone???

MNF 28th

Evening!  Apart from spanking your dosh on ill-advised (but genial) who’s gonna finish top 4, the next best way to add pure first-pumping exhilaration to your football viewing is to get yourself a place in next weeks MNF. Reply here and put yourself forward. When done, have a butchers at last nights Soccerette. Monday's winners will receive gobsmacking guest list and bullet-proof bragging rights. Get some. Not interested? You don't find these emails funny? Oh suit yourself. Here's the beauties. Gotcha.

MNF 21st

Afternoon with most odd-numbered years, there’s loads to look forward to on 2019’s sporting calendar. Following the Iain Chapman's guest appearance, we’re ready for the next MNF - its only 3 days away. Whites are likely to piss away a 2 goal lead now that Damo is getting regular games. Thankfully, MNF is committed to the future of your footballing pleasure. Which is why I send you pics of Soccerettes every week...

Who's in????

MNF 14th

If you're reading this, chances are you're sat morosely at your desk seeking brief respite from the drone-like existence of your tedious job. Meanwhile there are men out there who are receiving a good-luck peck from Angelina Jolie, skidding a Ferrari round a race-track and heading home to pluck a fat cheque from the doormat. So, to celebrate me scoring a goal on Monday, I've got a pic from last nights of our new Soccerette who told me all I need to know about becoming a stuntman and one poor punter set himself on fire. 

Who’s in??

MNF 7th

Quick! The first men to chuck an email here  and tell me what year Damon Letzer will return to MNF wins a sace at this Mondays game. Because I'm awesome like that. Elsewhere, I'm once again on the hunt for the nation’s finest girls at gigs, as MNF’s legendary Soccerette returns. Only this time round, Gucci-encrusted Danielle-Lloyd-alikes aren’t going to make the cut. For 2019, I’m after a higher breed of hottie. The sort who not only has magnificent physical assets and smells nice, but also possesses the enthusiasm of a sugared-up Akabusi. Why? Because this year’s queen will be transformed into a genuine MNF Superfan. Point worthy sexpots in this direction. Have a great weekend.

Who’s In??