It’s 2019 and the all-new MNF is up and running, boasting the best in North London talent. It’s called MNF, and is put together by our award-winning team of players from around NW8, HA8 and Totteridge. If something worth knowing about happens on Monday nights, I’ll wrap it ‘nicely’ and get it up lightning quick. A bit like the BBC, except with particular emphasis on women, talented animals and really cool new trends from the yoof. 
Girls are wearing scarves. Bangers, mash and beans is a viable dinner option. You might have played MNF the other day. It's definitely winter, which means it's time to buy some new balls. So next week we will have a nice pink one all pumped up, just remember to bring your £6 (Defraud & Ratz), MNF wants to know where your money's at. The best opinion articulated will win a space in Monday Nights game…..
Evening! Apart from spanking your dosh on ill-advised (but genial) who’s gonna finish top 4, the next best way to add pure first-pumping exhilaration to your football viewing is to get yourself a place in next weeks MNF. Reply here and put yourself forward. When done, have a butchers at last nights Soccerette. Monday's winners will receive gobsmacking guest list and bullet-proof bragging rights. Get some. Not interested? You don't find these emails funny? Oh suit yourself. Here's the beauties. Gotcha.
Afternoon with most odd-numbered years, there’s loads to look forward to on 2019’s sporting calendar. Following the Iain Chapman's guest appearance, we’re ready for the next MNF - its only 3 days away. Whites are likely to piss away a 2 goal lead now that Damo is getting regular games. Thankfully, MNF is committed to the future of your footballing pleasure. Which is why I send you pics of Soccerettes every week...
If you're reading this, chances are you're sat morosely at your desk seeking brief respite from the drone-like existence of your tedious job. Meanwhile there are men out there who are receiving a good-luck peck from Angelina Jolie, skidding a Ferrari round a race-track and heading home to pluck a fat cheque from the doormat. So, to celebrate me scoring a goal on Monday, I've got a pic from last nights of our new Soccerette who told me all I need to know about becoming a stuntman and one poor punter set himself on fire. 
Quick! The first men to chuck an email here and tell me what year Damon Letzer will return to MNF wins a sace at this Mondays game. Because I'm awesome like that. Elsewhere, I'm once again on the hunt for the nation’s finest girls at gigs, as MNF’s legendary Soccerette returns. Only this time round, Gucci-encrusted Danielle-Lloyd-alikes aren’t going to make the cut. For 2019, I’m after a higher breed of hottie. The sort who not only has magnificent physical assets and smells nice, but also possesses the enthusiasm of a sugared-up Akabusi. Why? Because this year’s queen will be transformed into a genuine MNF Superfan. Point worthy sexpots in this direction. Have a great weekend.
I’ll level with you. It’s nearly 1pm on Friday afternoon and I was out last night in a crowded club sounded by lovely ladies. And to top it all off, three of my favourites have turned up clutching bottles of champagne and wearing outfts that appear to have been stolen from elves.So as I'm sure you’ll understand, I'm going to keep things brief and leave you to let me know ASAP if you wanna feature in the last MNF of 2018. Who knows, Reply quickly and you might live to see the New Year after all. Which just leaves us to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. I'm off to hurl plastic mistletoe at the fit work experience girl…